Difficult Days and Years

Well, life is not easy. My parents are older in their late 80's. My Mother does almost all the work around their house. My Dad spends a lot of time in bed or sitting on the porch in good weather and front of the t.v. in bad weather. I am really blessed to have 2 parents living and still in their home. My sister, who is younger than me, lives in GA. She has been very ill for about 4 years. She has diabetes that went undiagnosed while pouring her energy into a dying friend. She has small vasculature so the diabetes has affected her vision, cut off the blood supply to her foot,and affected her kidneys. It hurts me that I may out live my sister. In my memory I see her as a child running. She loved to run and she would tell you"I run fast!" So Her lack of health sometimes makes me cry. She has many health care bills and my parents help her financially as they can. My sister still works as an English teacher.

I have worked as a RN for 38 years. I loved the ER but the ER became so big and the staffing of the ER so short we were not allowed meal breaks often. I had been dealing with depression for years. I was told I needed to find another area to work. Let me say I hate 12 hr shifts. I need more down time in order to work and give of my self. Now I am grateful the hospital realizes there needs to be more staff in the ER. But it makes me angry that all of us worked so short and had to deal with so much pt and family anger every day. I am looking for a new job. I came to the conclusion that I would never be able to please my Nurse Manager. I talk too loud look too anxious, every thing I do is wrong. But over the past 2 weeks I have had other nurses come to me to tell me they thought I was a good nurse. Some even to say if they were ill they would want me to be their nurse or their family's nurse. I am sad. I have done a lot of crying. I should have quit when I my intuition told me the nurse manager wanted me to go. Well I have been praying for a 8 hr a day job. I am praying for the LORD to set a table before me with a banquet, not just a table. I for give those who are my enemies. But I want GOD to defend me. That all of this will be for my good and HIS glory.